WEBVTT

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I was doing this one's hair
on a photo shoot.

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Just filling in for a mate.
I was having a laugh, you know.

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Telling jokes, just slagging people.

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This one whose hair I'm doing
turns around and goes,

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You're hilarious.
You're really funny.

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You're like something out of
a Roddy Doyle novel.

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Roddy Doyle. Listen here.

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You, the OC and the rest of
the Dundrum Shopping Centre crew

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can tell Roddy Doyle he can
kiss my fuckin' a..

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,.

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It's our 2 year anniversary
on Friday.

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Last year we went to Pizza Hut.

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Steve got me a cake, only by lying
and saying it was my birthday.

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This year we were going to go out
for a proper dinner.  Instead..

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At first I thought it was a wind up.

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Then I seen my mate
Paddy on the news.

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Tallaght turner and fitter
wins the lotto.

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And him, outside the local
Supervalu bouncing around with

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a cheque bigger than that
big fat head of his.

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Turner and fitter like.
What is that?

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He turns and he fits things like.
Loads of money in it.

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Fuckin' eejit decides at the last
minute that he doesn't want his face
on TV.

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But instead of getting someone
else to pick it up he just

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kept putting his hand over
his face.

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This way for the camera Mr. Kelly.
How does it feel.

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It feels bleedin' rapid, yeah.
Savage.

01:16.280 --> 01:17.959 line:83% position:50% size:80%
I mean rapid.

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You'd think anyone who won the lotto
and wanted to remain inconspicuous

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would keep the spending on the low.

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Invest the winnings in stocks
and all that shit.

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Get a gaff, a trust fund
for little Paddy.

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Nah.  Fuck that.

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'09 3 litre engine, GTI hatchback
with rocket repelled wheel spinny
thingies.

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In lime green with go faster
stripes.

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Fucking cat looking thing.

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"Sources close to the lucky winner
say that although he's already

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And to celebrate he's throwing
a big old school street party.

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Please come to my super whopper
deadly party.

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Acts on the night will include
Aslan.

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Master of ceremonies will be
Martin King (TV3 weatherman).

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Also on the night, largest bouncy
castle in the western hemisphere.

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Apparently he's getting this bouncy
castle flown in specially from
Scandinavia.

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It's our anniversary
but you can't miss that.

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Plus he gave myself and a few
of the boys a grand each

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so we kind of have to show our face.

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Great.  Now instead of having
a candlelight dinner

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I'm going to be stuck in a rubber
castle, every little banjo

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from here to Clondalkin stepping
on me with their little Nike Airs.

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At least Aslan's playing.

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Although I'd say it's going
to be a bit of craic.

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He said he's going to pay all the
aul' ones on the road to make food
for it.

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Rice crispie cakes, fairy cakes,
jelly and ice cream.

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He says, it's going to be old school
Keenan. The way it used to be.

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D'you know what I mean.

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It's gonna be bleedin' turbo.

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People used to always have
street parties around here.

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Just to celebrate being alive.

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Like games like Twister, dance
competitions, balloons, buntings.

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Everyone would come together and do
something for it. Make something.

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Then it just stopped.
I don't know why.

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Turbo like.
Paddy has this theory.

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The theory of turbo.

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There's no word in the English
language that you can't make

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better and more Tallaghtastic
than by putting the word turbo in
front of it.

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Is he mad out of it?  No,  he's
turbo minty fresh mad out of it.

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Sorry boys, I can't talk now.
I'm riding my turbo bird.

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Turbo pregnant.

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# How can I protect
you in this crazy world.

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# It's alright.

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It was supposed to be just
for our estate and the lads

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and all the families and kids
from around and shit.

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For a while it was good,
wholesome fun.

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But the bouncy castle is actually
a scale replica of Castle Greyskull
from He-man.

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Being about 16 feet tall,
it starts to attract every little

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snackbox in a mile radius
of the thing.

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Paddy, Tao and Johnny were running
around dressed up like He-man
characters, screaming..

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I have the power!

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Locked because the aul' lads from
Killinarden had sold them and

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everyone else cheap gargle
from off the ferry, over their walls.

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He wins the lotto and he's
still drinking cans of Bavaria.

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That clown Deco.
A bouncer from The Green Room.

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A crew of his gangster wannabe
mates are floating around.

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They're fairly well on.

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It's not a good recipe
since the dope bleedin' barred

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half of my mates and most
of the people here.

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Games of pin the tail on the donkey
and gargling don't go well this
early on.

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One of his dope mates ends up
starting on my next door neighbour.

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Steve said Deco and his mates
were starting fights.

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As I recall it it was
the other way around.

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Memory is a fragile thing.

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People always remember things
differently.

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When I was 7 I vividly remember
being a fuckin' Jedi.

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Eat your dinner.
You eat your dinner.

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It was restless.

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It was a perfect time to get the
tunes going so the aul' ones

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pushed Martin King up on
the stage.

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Fuck knows what he made of it all.

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So Martin King jumps up on
the stage and goes

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welcome to Paddy's super whopper
deadly bla bla..

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Sorry, Aslan won't be coming on now
but they'll be playing a little bit
later.

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Like they've anything better
to be doing.

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There's a rustle in the crowd.
This thing is about to kettle.

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Weatherboy turns around and goes,
I've been told that this next

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performer's mam knows Paddy's mam.

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She's convinced him to kindly
step in and get things started.

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Please welcome..

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all the way from Finglas.

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MC Slice.
Who?

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Get fucked.

05:59.399 --> 06:01.839 line:83% position:50% size:80%
So he launches into his set.

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Next of all I see this thing in slow
motion looping through the air.

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Did you ever see that movie,
2001 A Space Odyssey?

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The one where the monkey
throws the bone in the air.

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Replace bone with bottle and
monkey with Murphy

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and picture that bad boy hitting
MC Shitebag square in the fuckin'
head.

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First off you don't sing a song
about Finglas to a load of Tallaght
heads.

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Then someone jumps up on the table
stomping on all the rice crispie
cakes

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and starts screaming,
wreck the fuckin' gaf.

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Martin King got a few digs
thrown at him as well.

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He's actually TV3's answer
to Jackie Chan.

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Starts Kung Fu-ing the bollocks
out of it on the stage.

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Bet you TV3 don't know that. MC
Slice wasn't as lucky. Disappeared.

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He disappeared off into the horizon
after some involuntary crowd surfing.

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Then someone would have to go and
burst the bouncy castle in the middle
of it all.

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It's inflatable, therefore
it's destructible.

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Therefore let's fuckin' wreck it.

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You'd need an industrial size Stanley
blade to burst one of those things.

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I reckon that was one of my
little brother's mates.

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Chop that little mullet off him.

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So I'm on my ones.
I grab the bird by the hand

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before we get a bang of
a bottle of TK Red Lemonade

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in the fuckin' head.

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Steve pulls me under the table and
grabs two bowls of jelly and
ice cream.

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Neapolitan.  I love that one.

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The one with the three flavours.

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If you don't like strawberry you
can always have vanilla.  Nice one.

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I like to think I'm sensitive
to my bird's feelings.

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A modern bloke and I could
tell Sarah wasn't too impressed

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about spending her anniversary
underneath a table in the midst
of a street riot.

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It wasn't ideal but there was
something romantic about it.

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I mean she puts up with some shit,
being around me and all my train
wreck mates.

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My granny used to always say
when you have a nice looking girl,

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a good girl, you treat her right.

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So I decided at that minute it was
time to break out the big guns.

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He told me the only reason we came
to the party was because

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Paddy gave him a grand.

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I wanted it to be a surprise because
I spent most of the money on a
holiday.

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We've never been on holiday together.

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I've never really been on holiday.

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I spent the rest of the money on..

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I told Steve I'd always wanted one
when I was a kid.  Just in passing.

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I forgot I even said it or
that he was listening to me.

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Her ma wouldn't buy her one.
Long story.

08:40.120 --> 08:42.840 align:middle line:77% position:50% size:80%
Anyway, took me ages to find
the thing.

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Cost more now than it did
back then.

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It's in its original box and all.

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200 brick.  Better be a rock of
crack cocaine in the boot of the
thing for them prices.

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Malibu Barbie loves
her new pink beach buggy.

08:55.720 --> 08:57.000 line:83% position:50% size:80%
Turbo deadly!

08:57.000 --> 09:00.000 line:83% position:50% size:80%
I'd say with a girl like Sarah,

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my granny's probably looking
down over my shoulder saying,

09:05.759 --> 09:08.759 align:middle line:77% position:50% size:80%
she's a lovely girl,
a nice girl.

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Good lad.

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If that's the case then
when I was riding all those big fat

09:15.320 --> 09:19.600 align:middle line:77% position:50% size:80%
wrecks, she was probably looking
down over my shoulder saying,

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Steve.  Steve.  Steve.

09:22.039 --> 09:25.039 line:83% position:50% size:80%
The fuckin' head on that fat wreck.

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Hey Belinda, do you want to
get a gaf together?

09:45.759 --> 09:48.679 align:middle line:77% position:50% size:80%
Okay Peter.  No problem.
Where will we live?

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Some estate out the back arse of
nowhere where we have to commute
every day.

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Subtitles:
Tracey Carr,
RTE 2009.