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There's this aul' lad across the way.
Mad Johnny Adare looking prick.
His little young fella runs out of the garden, fuckin' nappy on.
He's like, here Wacker.
I don't think he called the kid Patrick as in Paddy Wack, Wacker.
The kid's just called Wacker.
Probably came out of the fuckin' womb with a smoke in his hand like the fuckin' General.
There's a rusk darlin'. You look after yourself.
Then again I could be wrong. Might wind up a fuckin' supreme court justice.
Chief Justice Wacker. What the fuck do I know.
.,.
TFI Friday.
Thank fanny it's Friday.
I actually think it's thank fuck it's Friday but I don't think that's as nice.
What?
Well fuck her. If she can't hack it tell her to get her fuckin' jacket.
Fuckin' dope.
I would be happier but I spent all day GHD-ing little dopes mullets.
Does it look good? No.
Steve has a free gaf. I'd love to head straight over.
But now I've to go and do this one's hair for her wedding.
Six Dutch.
Which isn't until next week. But this is a dry run.
A rehearsal. Free gaf.
To see what it looks like. Spare me. I'm heading there now.
Six cans of cylindrical working class golden. Deadly.
And a free gaf.
The boys all wanted to go to the Belgard.
Told the to buzz over here. Only if we can watch Predator.
Boys love Predator. Get to the chopper.
Bought the little brother and his mates a few flagons of cider
and sent them on their merry way to terrorise the good people of Tallaght.
DOORBELL.
The noise of them pricks. Do you want a hammer!
# Here come the girls.
Fuck me, those young ones are all crazy.
I went over to do her hair and there was loads there.
A kind of pre-hens hens night.
Drinking margaritas and all.
I did her hair and I had a few myself.
This one, complete scangbag I went to school with,
starts pulling out pornos to watch.
Here. Do yis wanna watch these pornos.
Complete filth. Great craic.
Watching porn, eh.
Girl on girl action, eh.
Calling over to me, eh.
Told the boys to do a Danny and leg it.
It's called a Danny cos Turner's aul' lad is called Danny
and he legged it on Mrs. Turner. Tragic.
Got stick but fuck it. Leggin' it with your mottser.
Fuck off. I'm getting a ride, yis bunch of queers.
Jaysus.
They slag me about her. Sarah like.
Gargling earlier, Jimmy was reminding me about years ago when I was younger.
I got Sean and Pearse on the case to invite Sarah and all her mates.
Doing sideways invites so as not to arouse suspicion that I wanted her to come.
What size is your rock? I'll fuckin' show you me rock.
Laid out second hand carpet from Debbie Wallace's aul' lad
so as mine wouldn't get fucked up.
Stocked the gaf full of deadlies, got DJ to play the decks.
All this just to get Sarah to notice me.
Just to come to my part and think I'm fuckin' deadly.
Of course only her mates showed up.
My aul' one's carpet, despite my best efforts,
still winds up getting fucked up.
I just wind up smiling at Sarah like a sap in school every day
for the next 2 years.
Me and the boys were staring at her one day,
sitting in the cloister of our school.
She was just laughing and braiding the other girl's hair.
I must've been really piking her out of it cos she turned around and it was a real..
What the fuck are you looking at?
Then one of the boys picked up a big rock and fucked it
at the pond beside them and drowned them.
TEXT MESSAGE.
My bollocks I'm walking across that field on my own.
The lamp post. Beside the cornice does he mean?
Grand. Don't be late.
He's always late. It's not that he doesn't care.
It's just he's a flake. I forgive it most times.
But I'm not standing at that lamp post for more than 10 minutes on my own.
Think I'll give him a few before I walk over.
Sure he's probably pissing about his gaf still.
When we were younger everyone from all different estates
used to come and drink at that lamp post because it was hidden.
You could smoke and drink cans without your ma seeing.
State of him.
He was there slagging me and all my mates cos we were from Fetharcairn.
Thinking he was hilarious. He kept calling us birds.
Yeah, place was bleedin' full of birds.
No, girls like.
Headwrecker who thought he was the shit.
I thought that's all there was to him but you see,
there was this night..
My da, every Friday at 11.00 he'd walk past there on his way home from the pub.
He lived around the corner.
The girls would always give me the heads up so I'd hide.
We don't get on because he doesn't live with me and my ma any more.
He's not the greatest of drinkers and the last thing I'd want
is for him to see me sculling cans in the corner.
Some dickhead from Glenshane started hassling him on his way home
through the lane one night.
Taking the cans he had and playing keep away with them.
Like throwing them to each other over his head.
It's a thing they do to alcos. Pricks.
I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
I was hiding behind the wall close to the river.
I was looking, watching like. I felt bad but..
I don't know.
Steve and his mates could see what was happening
and he stepped in and stopped it.
There was my da like a child, crying for his cans.
I don't see my da that much and I never told Steve it was the aul' fella.
I don't think he remembers but I did. I noticed.
Steve was.. That made me think.
Steve was different.
I stopped hanging around there after that.
It just seemed..
He better not leave me waiting there for an hour.
Headwrecker.
10 minutes late, she loses the plot.
Then she calms down but it's like a little bit of sand in her tracky bottoms.
It's irritating the arse off her and she won't let go until
she scratches it away, brings it up the next day.
Which she did. Shit.
Was it the fuckin' kick off of a big one.
I didn't want to say it and I was going to leave but
he left me standing there freezing my tits off at the lamp post.
I'm thinking, I'll kill that little Springfield sap when he gets here.
And if he thinks he's getting a ride he can fuckin' whistle for it.
Granted. I relented and we did.
But I saved my anger for around 2 and I made sure
he heard about it this morning.
Starts off as a ripple. Then turns into a wave.
First about being late, then about the broader implications about being late.
It was.. How did she put it?
Him in a nutshell. It's not that he doesn't care about people.
He just doesn't think.
It's like he's autistic or something when it comes to timekeeping.
He's always late for work.
I told her I just don't feel like breaking my balls keeping time
for a job I don't like.
You try working in a pharmacy developing other people's photographs
of their lives, their travels, the places they go,
the things they bleedin' see. It's fuckin' depressing.
This is what I'm talking about. This is him.
Moans but doesn't do anything. If something's broke, fix it.
Don't like it, change it.
I listen to dozy bins talking about their holidays all the time.
Ah I said, but my torment is visual.
He's only just been away. Yeah, to the fuckin' Canaries.
A travtacular Blur video on acid.
Hardly the interesting depths of the fuckin' rainforest.
You see things in these photos. Places.
Places other than here.
And the occasional homemade porn but that's not the point.
The Canaries is enough for her.
This is enough for her.
This. He means here with me. This is not enough for him?
Sweet Christ.
Every female has the ability to take offence from things
you didn't actually say but you said things which
might have suggested what she thought you were going to say.
Ergo you're a fuckin' shitebag.
I know people who just travel all over.
Thailand, Australia and all that shit.
Every time they get back they have to start again.
Savings gone. I can't handle that shit.
It's not about what you accumulate by the end of your life.
It's how you run the race.
You don't just stop 10 metres in and set up camp.
Fuckin' state of him.
Making me out to be this boring shite with no plans.
Mr. fuckin' leave college after 8 months and then go work in a pharmacy.
Go on. Way to sock it to the man.
College was full of shitebags.
Oh, you're from Tallaght. Please don't take my handbag.
Fuckin' hilarious.
I told Sarah I had my reasons and I don't have to explain them to anyone.
Well you can explain them to me. I am your bird and.. Fuck.
He has me saying it now.
I went to the Belgard with Sean and Damo to chill.
Compose like.
I'll have to make it up to her tonight.
Bring around a DVD or something.
Peace offering. Take away and a DVD.
Grand. It better be something good.
We watched Predator.
When all said and done, he's a fuckin' eejit but..
Nah, he's just a fuckin' eejit.
Subtitles: Tracey Carr, RTE 2009.